Memos From Fury - A Collection of Avengers One-Shots
by simply-dazzling001
Summary: One-shots about the adventures of daily life after New York, inspired by entries from the tumblr MemosFromFury (which I do not run, nor do I own any of the submitted entries that inspired these one-shots). Contains stories featuring Clint, Steve, Tony, Natasha, Bruce, and Thor.
1. The Science Lab

The Science Lab

"Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, come with me."

After their heroic adventures with Loki's otherworldly army, SHIELD decided to offer each of the Avengers their own living and workspaces at SHIELD headquarters. After collecting the team from one of their many late-night shawarma outings, Nick Fury made them wait in the main control room until he could come by and take each of them one by one to show them their new rooms and offices. Tony and Bruce were the last to be called.

"I should mention," Fury began, leading the two men down the hallway, "that the room I'm about to show you is for official SHIELD business only. If you want to amuse yourselves, you have your private residences to do so." He looked pointedly at Tony, who smiled unapologetically.

"Here we are," he said, stopping at a shiny metal door with a keypad on the adjacent wall. "The passcode is 'supersoldier76,'" Fury said, typing it in himself. He gave a little cough, then continued. "Agent Coulson is in charge of the Avengers' rooms' security," he explained. "He insisted."

The silver door slid open to reveal a large, gleaming white room. Computers and machines took up the entire left half, while large, black lab tables with assorted beakers and microscopes took up the right.

"Now _that's_ what I call a lab," Tony remarked.

"SHIELD-related projects _only_," Fury repeated, and walked out of the room.

As the door shut behind Fury, Tony turned to Bruce.

"You know, Dr. Banner, I think what SHIELD needs is an enhancement of their science program. Don't you?"

Bruce smiled.

Steve was on his way to see Natasha for his weekly 21st century technology lesson when Fury stopped him in the hall. Steve was to deliver a message to Tony and Bruce who were in their lab. Steve walked to the designated room, but instead of finding the simple plaque reading "Lab 1," he was greeted by a sign welded to the door that read, "Super Secret Fort of Science – Science Bros. Only!" Puzzled, he entered Coulson's password into the keypad and was met with an angry beep telling him he had entered it incorrectly. Frowning, he tried again, with the same result. Finally, he decided to try it the old-fashioned way and knock on the door.

A rectangular eyehole he had never seen before appeared above the welded sign. A pair of brown eyes looked at him.

"Password."

"Come on, Stark, let me in."

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect." The little window closed and the eyes disappeared.

"Fury has a message for you!" he said, desperately knocking on the door. He knew how much Tash hated it when he was late to their lessons.

The eyes reappeared suddenly. "Does he now?" Steve nodded. "What is it? I can hear you perfectly fine from here.

"It's for Dr. Banner too," Steve said. "May I please come in?"

Tony pulled his head away from the peephole and turned around.

"What do you think, Dr. Banner, do we let Stars and Stripes in?" Steve rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, Captain, designated Science Bros only," called Bruce from the background. "You need an IQ of 140 or higher to get in, along with the password."

"Oh, you two are idiots," Steve said angrily.

"That may be, Captain, but don't forget, _we're_ the ones standing inside the Super Secret Fort of Science."

"Just let me in already." Steve already feared the look on Natasha's face when he walked in today.

"Well, all right," Tony replied, "but only because you're on official SHIELD business," he said in a mock-serious voice.

The peephole closed and the door opened. Instead of the gleaming white room Director Fury had shown him a few days ago, he walked into what looked like an enormous pillow fort. Pillows seemed to cover all of the walls, and blankets were strategically draped around the room to form several sub-rooms. Posters of the periodic table were safety pinned to some of the blankets, as were several life-sized portraits of Tony in his Iron Man costume.

"We tried to get some posters of Big Green in here, but we had some technical difficulties," Tony explained. "Do you like it?"

Looking around the lab – the fort – Steve sighed and delivered his message.

"Just…report to the briefing room at six," he said, and walked out of the lab shaking his head.

Half an hour later, a piece of paper rolled into the Super Secret Mail Receptacle.

"_From the desk of Director Nick Fury_," read the header.

"Oh good, another one," Tony said.

"_Misters Stark and Banner are reminded that although we have allowed them personal use of one of the helicarrier labs, this does not make it their 'Super Secret Fort of Science.' It is not improved by pillow structures. You do not need an IQ of 140 to enter. And it has no secret password. That is all._"

Tony looked at Bruce.

"Busted?" asked Bruce, clearly amused. Tony nodded, grinning, then crumpled up the memo and tossed it into the Super Secret Trash Bin of Science.


	2. The Rescue

The Rescue

"We need to move fast!" Thor shouted, running to the Helicarrier navigation room and wrenching the controls away from the startled pilot. "It's only a matter of time!"

"What's going on?" the pilot asked, but before he could wait for an answer, the Helicarrier took a sharp turn and he fell out of his chair. By the time he was able to stand, Thor had plunged the ship into a sharp nosedive.

"I was looking out the window on the main deck and I saw an emergency unfolding below," Thor explained. "We have a responsibility to help others in these kinds of catastrophes."

Again on the ground, the confused pilot turned to look at his equally-confused coworkers, also fallen on the ground, who were too stunned to return to their posts and simply stared at Thor in bewilderment.

Without warning, Thor pulled the Helicarrier out of its dive and leveled it skillfully. The pilot stood up and looked out the main window.

"I don't see anything," he said. "We're hovering over a city park."

"Exactly!" Thor said, and without another word he dashed out of the navigation room to the main deck, where he deployed the emergency ladder attached to the bottom of the ship. The ladder unrolled quickly and swung gently in the wind, positioned directly over a large oak tree.

"Thor, what is the meaning of this?" Agent Coulson exclaimed, brushing off his jacket. Evidently, the navigators were not the only ones who lost their footing when Thor had taken charge of the controls.

"No time to explain, Son of Coul!" Thor replied, climbing down the ladder and disappearing in the leaves of the oak tree. Coulson and the other agents on deck leaned over the opening in the bottom of the ship where the ladder was deployed. At first, they could see nothing but the tree and a few people milling about the park, but in a few moments they saw Thor climbing down the trunk cradling something in his arms.

"Is…that what I think it is?" Agent Maria Hill asked.

"Oh, Thor," Coulson sighed.

Thor awakened in his room early the next morning, still immensely pleased at the success of his mission the previous afternoon. He got out of bed and was about to leave his room when he saw a rolled up piece of paper in his mail slot. A memo from Director Fury. He picked up the paper and read it carefully.

"_From the Desk of Director Fury,_

_It is the stated objective of S.H.I.E.L.D to protect the nations and people from all threats terrestrial or extraterrestrial. _

_Diverting the Helicarrier to rescue a kitten is not a threat to a nation or more than a few families. No matter how many times Loki says you have permission._

_Failure to follow this directive will result in a deduction from any Agent's pay who issues or assists with said order to pay for the temp worker to straighten out civil flight plans__._"

"…Oops."


	3. The Mini-Oven

The Mini-Oven

"So you just put whatever you want toasted in here, set the temperature and timer, close the lid, and let it cook," Natasha explained. She was holding another "21st Century Technology" demonstration for Steve and Thor and had just introduced them to the mini-oven.

"In a couple of minutes, it's going to make a noise, which means the toast is ready. Call me when that happens so I can show you how to take it out. Any questions?"

Steve and Thor shook their heads, entranced by the tiny oven in front of them. They sat and watched the inside light turn orange, then red, until finally they heard a _ding!_ and waved Natasha over. She opened the lid and showed them how to take out the toast without burning their fingers on the oven.

"And that's it," she said, handing the bread to Thor, as she'd promised before their lesson. "Tomorrow I'll teach you about microwave popcorn."

"Thanks, Tash," Steve said, smiling at her. He knew these lessons were taking time away from her real work and he really appreciated them, particularly now that he didn't have to deal with any of Tony's or Clint's tricks. Thor swallowed the last bite of his toast and nodded eagerly.

"Yes, thank you, Lady Natasha. I will make good use of this knowledge!"

Natasha smiled at them both. "You're welcome," she said, then turned and walked away. Steve and Thor went back to studying the mini-oven. After a brief silence, Thor proclaimed, "I think I'm going to prepare another slice of bread for myself."

"Go for it," Steve said, and took a small step back. It took four burnt slices of bread and one fire extinguisher, but on the fifth try, Thor finally pulled out a decently-toasted piece of toast. "At last!" he shouted triumphantly, and swallowed the entire thing in one bite.

A couple weeks later, Steve snuck into the entertainment room with a box of pre-made pizza bagels he saw at the store a few days ago. After reading the instructions carefully, he decided to buy them and surprise everyone at their weekly movie night. He first went into the kitchen, but saw Clint already there and decided to find someplace else. He reread the directions on the box and remembered seeing a mini-oven in the entertainment room, so he headed there.

After a bit of searching, he found it. It looked quite unlike the one in the kitchen, but he decided it was probably just a different model. He studied the device for a while before working up the courage to open the pizza bagel box and tear off the plastic. He didn't see any labels on the mini-oven that referred to toasting or heating, but then again, Tony's eye-phone didn't have more than a couple buttons on it and he could still make phone calls. He had a bit of trouble opening the lid until he accidentally pushed a button and a thin plastic tray slid out. Carefully, he loaded the tray with his first batch of pizza bagels and pushed it back into the machine. Then he sat against the wall next to the entertainment room mini-oven and waited.

The bagels were taking a lot longer than Steve expected, but he figured they were more complex than toast and probably needed more time to be cooked. He put his hand near the top of the oven but felt no heat. He frowned. Movie night was going to start in fifteen minutes and he didn't want anyone to walk in early and ruin his surprise. He sighed and moved back to his spot against the wall.

A few days later, Director Fury sent a copy of the following memo to everyone onboard. (Because of what was described only as a "computer error," both Tony and Clint received several extra copies.)

"_From the Desk of Director Fury:_

_Capt. Rogers's skills regarding the use of modern technology are still under development and should not be mocked. Additionally, the DVD player in the entertainment room needs to be replaced after being mistaken for a mini-oven._"

Steve sighed as Natasha read over his shoulder. Fittingly, they had just begun another lesson when they received Fury's memo.

"Well, look at it this way, Steve," Natasha began, gently patting his shoulder. "You did manage to surprise us all."


	4. Pop Rocks

Pop Rocks

"Good morning, Captain!" Clint greeted cheerfully as he walked into one of SHIELD's private kitchens. Steve was sitting quietly at a table, reading a copy of an old history textbook Fury lent to him.

"Good morning, Clint," the Captain replied, looking up. "What have you got there?"

"Some 21st century candy I want you to try," Clint replied, holding up a small black packet. "It's very popular." He smiled innocently.

"Okay," Steve said, closing his book. He hesitated. "What does it taste like?"

"Sweet," Clint replied, "Just like any other candy."

"Just making sure," Cap smiled sheepishly. "You know Tony gave me something called 'Hot Tamales' the other day?

"Ah, good ol' Stark. Here, try these. They're called Pop Rocks."

"There aren't actual rocks in them, are there?" Steve asked, eying the bag suspiciously. "You never know with these 21st century things."

"No," Clint laughed. "Just candy."

"Okay." Steve reached into the open bag and popped a few of the colored crystals in his mouth. They were quite sweet, but when they touched his tongue, something very strange happened.

"Uh, Clint?"

Clint couldn't help but smile a little. "Yes, Captain?"

"Why does my tongue feel so weird?" He moved the candy around his mouth. "What's- Ack! CLINT! What's _in _these things?"

Clint was grinning shamelessly now. "Candy," he replied as innocently as possible. "Why?"

"I- I think I'm having some kind of allergic reaction," he stuck his tongue out in a desperate attempt to stop the strange crackling noise in his mouth. "Clint, I think you should call the medical bay right now. Clint? Clint!"

Clint was now laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Meanwhile, the crackling in Steve's mouth didn't stop.

"Clint! Help! HELP!" Steve ran around frantically with his tongue out, trying to find a place to spit out the candy. Not finding one, he hit the emergency medical button on the wall, Clint laughing too hard to notice. Less than a minute later, a team of doctors burst through the door.

"What's wrong?" one of them said. Steve stopped running, faced the doctor, and shouted, "I'm having an allergic reaction!" still trying to prevent the candy from making contact with the roof of his mouth.

"Quick, escort Captain Rogers to sick bay," the same doctor ordered.

Clint had finally stopped laughing long enough to realize that the Captain was being taken away.

"Uh-oh…"

Two hours later, Steve stalked angrily into the kitchen, clearly unamused. Clint was waiting for him at the table.

"Heh heh, hey, buddy…"

"Fury just sent THIS to everyone onboard." He held out a memo printed on official-looking paper.

"_From the desk of Director Nick Fury_," the memo began.

"Uh-oh."

"_It is not only inappropriate__,"_ the memo read_, "__but irresponsible to give Capt. Rogers Pop Rocks candy without explaining them first__._"

Clint looked up from the paper.

"Heh heh…no hard feelings?"

Steve glared at him and opened his textbook.


End file.
